Part 1 - My name is Leandro

My Name is Leandro, 27 years old, Brazilian... and what? I’m not sure really! My life is a mess right now and I’m feeling so lost. At this moment I type my name in the computer and it shows wrong, underlined in red. Exactly how I feel right now. Leander? Laundry? Lender? What the hell is that? The computer doesn’t let me add my name in the dictionary, too sad. Anyway, Dennis, my partner-love-boyfriend, just came to see what I’m writing. I wont tell, like usual. Dennis and I live together, in his house, in El Cerrito California since I moved her ten months ago. The house is beautiful, a antique, how Dennis likes to say. Our backyard is amazing now, full of tropical plants and trees. We get our of the house to the deck, going down some stairs, we see a lot of bamboos that started to grow with no control. Dennis is trying to take care of that. After that, we see a beautiful pound full of fishes that I love to feed every morning. Dennis usually used this place to photo shoot models. Our love has to be proved every time since it starts in 2006. With visas interviews and questions about the difference of age and culture, thing I will explain later. And the answer of this question is always yes. I love him. Sometimes I feel that he loves me more than everything. That’s beautiful and scared. However, it’s 8:33 pm in a Saturday night. I woke up feeling that I need answers, I need to decide my life before I got into 30s. I’m tried to have these dreams about “how lost my life is”. The last one I just had: Dennis and I was living in a Favela, a very poor and dangerous place in Brazil, and I decide to drive to the grouches store to buy more food, and I just drove so bad! Completely lost and afraid of cops, because I didn’t have drive’s license (like in the real life) and at the end, I couldn’t come back home. That dream says, “Man, your life sucks!” I know that because I had a book teaching how to interpret dreams. Every time you dream with houses or cars, and it’s not good, your life isn’t good. And that’s how I’m feeling now. I need to write because this is the only way I have to organize my ideas.
Today I had such a busy day. I woke up earlier and cleaned up all back and front yard. Today I concentrated my work cleaning the sidewalk and cutting some things that was growing too much. The sidewalk now has no grass, but some plants and a “line” of Palm Trees. Dennis and I also took a shower outside in the backyard, naked, and this was so good. No neighbors can see us. When I arrived here, that place was abandoned, but Dennis and I are working hard on that almost every weekend. We also have a hot tub that can fit six people inside. Our sidewalk is beautiful as well. The house is in a corner; and there are palm trees all over it. The house is also different from other in our little street. Is one of the first houses in this area and Dennis tries hard to keep this impression. The unique color, big front window, the pal trees and the big yellow truck parking in front make the house especial, unique. After all this handwork I came to the sofa to check my Facebook. I saw that Amanda, my Brazilian friend who lives here, did skydiving today. Why she didn’t call me? I really want to do it too and she knew it. At these moments I really express my dependency on my friends. I got jealous and hurt easy. She’ll never know it unless she read this. One more day without a messenger in my Brazilian Orkut (I kind of Facebook very common in Brazil). I think my friends in Brazil are too busy taking care of their life and interacting with who don’t let them to live in the US. The last time I went to Brazil was in June, and I have this “fight” with Gabi and Roberta, they’re one of my best friends. I’m still not sure about what exactly happened in that day. I don’t talk with them since I went back. I actually came here to study, but I fall of sleep and had this terrible dream again. The dreams aren’t the same, but they all say the same thing. I getting tired of all those. I’m so stressed about my Visa problems, my things in Brazil, my friends, my school, my love life, etc. I need to organize!
So that’s why I decide to write this. So I will read all this after all. And I’ll prove to myself that I’m not completely lost. I’m not anyone. I have a life, a love and some fights. I have great stories of life. I will tell all about in this blog.

Entrevista

Depois da minha entrevista finalmente feita, eu estou bem mais tranquilo. A entrevista para conseguir ficar no país ocorreu segunda, 30 de novembro, logo depois thanksgiving. Ela durou a manhã inteira, foi relativamente longa, mas a minha advogada disse que o Consul não fez tantas perguntas das que ele normalmente faria. Sera que poderia durar mais? Enfim, eu estou muito confiante de que tudo vai dar certo. Enquanto eu espero o resultado, volto mergulhar na rotina de dever de casa e trabalho que deixei de lado nessa última semana.
No fim de semana antes da entrevista eu fui em San Francisco conversar com Gleyson, meu amiguinho aqui. E fomos "expairar as idéias" bebendo e batendo papo num bar e depois boate. Fom bem divertido. Conheci um garoto chamado Lucas muito gente boa... estávamos muito bêbados. Gostei muito, vou tentar manter contato com esse povo, eu tenho muitas saudades dessa vida social gay que eutinha no Brasil. Eu quero sair mais para lugares gays a tb conviver mais com gays.