Thurday night I saw my friends Thereza, Amanda, Silvana, Mariana e Karla. We went to a bar in Berkeley because Steve is moving to San Francisco and we decide to get together to say goodbye. It was a cold night and Dennis stayed home. Steve is French and that’s another culture and language that I’m interested to know on day. I don know why but I really want to go to France one day to spend some time there and learn how to speak French. Friday after that was Thereza’s goodbye. She’s moving back to Brazil this weekend, to work, I think. Thereza is so nice; she has this “rich-cultured-smart-mature” way to be. As I soon as I know she already traveled many times to many different places in the world and I think it makes people look like that, mature. However, I didn’t show up. I was kind of tired, full of homework to do and with a busy weekend coming. To fail an event that I was invited to is hard for me. I like people and I love to be around my friends. But I fell guilt sometimes, first because I have to dedicate more about my visa process, work and college. I have no idea how I’m still surviving with all this in my head. Second, Dennis isn’t don’t have more time or wants for a social life that I like to have. We’re a couple and I respect that. I’m always trying to balance my hangouts with my friend and with him. So that night, I decided to stay home.
This weekend I had this felling that everybody is going to leave someday and I’ll be the only one that will stay. Many people are here to make money, work, do college and go back to Brazil. I’m moved here to stay, and even thinking about work in Brazil for some time in the future, very far future. Flavia, a friend of mine, is leaving in some weeks and I really interacted with her since the first time we met some months ago. She is here to study and now is leaving to work in Brazil. I’m going to miss Flavia so much. She’s from Minas Gerais, a state pretty close to Rio, and she has the cutest accent in Brazil. I like to imitate and I think she doesn’t mind at all. I remember when I met her at the same day I met most of the people I’m in contact now. She spent a say in Sonoma and we liked each other at the first minute. About Thereza, I didn’t even have time to meet her enough, but she sure is a good person. The couples Gabi and Pedro are gone already. They are from Porto Alegre, south Brazil, and they were trying to leave here illegally. Pedro was flying back and for to keep his visa legal and Gabi doesn’t. I don’t know much about them because I didn’t have a chance to meet them well. Pedro went back to Brazil for some reason and somehow the immigration didn’t let him come back. He was deported from the airport. I don’t know for how long they were here but they were a life together. Gabi was destroyed. She packaged her stuff one month later and left the country as well. I remember one day before this incident Gabi wrote on her twitter something like “Pedro is coming tomorrow, I’m so excited… just Brazilians understand what that means.” That’s so sad. I’m really afraid, even still legal in this country, about the immigration department knocking my door asking me to leave. I have no idea what to do if one day they say I’m here illegal for now one. I think I can’t make it.
Yesterday was amazing. Dennis, my friends and I went to Santa Helena, a city here in California very famous for make wine. We went by car and on the way Mari and I talked a lot; she is here for many years and I consider her too much as a good friend. She is graduated in journalism in Brazil, and works in a Brazilian restaurant in Berkeley. She is also Amanda’s roommate. We drove by pretty places, the road is actually very enjoyed. I didn’t have the opportunity to know more about the city, everything I know is thet the wine is great. There we sent to a Castle where the wine is made. It’s beautiful; I didn’t see a castle for a long time since I went to Portugal. After that we decided to make a picnic on the gardens. What a great moment. We all bought food so we made a huge circle within twenty people. Everybody was there, Amanda, Flavia, Dijaz, Monika, Silvania, Karla… I met some people on that day too. There were some guy playing live music and we all appreciated that. Flavia couldn’t stop talking about the day she’s leaving and I’m still very sad about that. Mariana
I spend $23 in a bottle of wine that cost $7 in the grouched store. That’s so “me”. I’m always spending money, and I like that! It’s so powerful the fact that you can domain the situation with money and not fell limited because of that. Dennis and I always disagree about money. Dennis is always concern about money, he refuses to pay extra tips, he refuses to spend $6 in a bottle of beer at the bar and he once delay 30 minutes my lunch because a mistake of $1. I really don’t like his way to see money. Every week something new happens in his life bad enough for him start complaining about how money is a problem in his life. Something I really feel that we won’t have money to buy food next month. I feel like we’ll lose everything one day and I’ll be so poor beside the men that I love. But things aren’t that bad, I think. Dennis is always worried about money because he has so many expenses. I would like to tell him if you can’t keep it, why you have it? This is a popular Brazilian expression. I don’t want to have big truck, my own company and a fancy house on the suburbs with a pound, waterfall and hot tub if I’ll can’t stop complaining about those things. In my point of view money is great, I love it, I love to have it, I love to spend it. That thinking make me not to be afraid of money, I mean, I have less money then Dennis and I also have a lot of bills. But nobody see me freaking out about money every time I decide spend $10 in a ticket to get in a club. Dennis would never do that. We’re so different when the subject is money.
After that we drove back and my friends and I decided to buy more wine, food, and make a dinner in Silvana’s house. Dennis was too tired and decided to go home. Silvana, or just Sil, is aur pair (I have no idea how to write it, but it’s related to take care of kid’s) and her bosses were traveling. That was a really cool Saturday night. I did something that I really like and missed during these passes days when I’m so busy for everything: to be with my friends and don’t fell myself alone in this country. We made Brazilian food and stayed at home all night long. At the end, we made a toast in occasion of our friendship. Agustina, an Argentinean woman also our friend gave me a ride back home. Agustina is very nice and sweet. Dennis and I sympathized a lot with her.
I went out a lot with my friends in Brazil. Gabi, Roberta, Leo, and I were so close and always going out together. I started being very close to Gabi some years ago, and them Leo starts to be part of our friendship some time later. Every Friday night Gabi’s apartment was our meeting point, and from there we decide where to go. I always arrived in Gabi’s apartment with a bag full of beers and a rose from the rose stand right in front of her building. A little more them one year later Roberta and Gabi start dating. I already knew Roberta, but we aren’t friends. I met Roberta when I was dating a guy called Bado and I was doing do much drugs on those time that I cant remember so well. Roberta and I became so close and so fast that I think scared Gabi a little. Being honest it scared me too. There is almost no weekend without seeing those guys. We went to parties, sleeps in motel rooms together, helping each other. We’re very close friends, a fantastic time. I felt so sad when I left them and move to the U.S. we reserved a great motel room in Copacabana and made a huge party, just four of us. The when Gabi and Roberta took me to the airport next day. I didn’t cry, I never cried in front of them, but I did cry thinking about them later. Now after this awkward situation happened between me and the girls, I never being so hurt in my life.
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