Porn Love - If I Married You.. - Sunday, October 18, 2009

Two nights ago Dennis and I have dinner at the neighbors’ house. They are Ken and Ed, partners for many years, around 50 years old and married by the state of California. Ed id gardener designer and Ken is from New York, he works in a publishing company and I like his personality. He looks very smart and decided, I kind of like that. I can say he is a very charming guy. There also was Kristian, our neighbor and New Yorker as well; she is a happy woman with a good energy who lives across the street by herself and her dog. I like here but I don’t know her so well yet. I hope we turn very close friends. Ken and Ed live in a house behind mine, it a beautiful house and very private. There no many views for the outside, and that makes me a little nervous. However, we’re celebrating 10 years since they moved in to El Cerrito. Ken prepared a delicious dinner and we talked a lot about many different things. Even about the fact that Kristian is planning in adopt a baby.

We ate delicious chicken made by Ken’s and drank wine. The really know how to cook! During the dinner one of the subject we talked about was my situation in this country and how my married with Kim didn’t work out at all. I can’t say it didn’t work because actually I came in this country thanks for this marriage, so at the end, I can’t say didn’t worse it. But after my second call to the immigration Kim gave up and cur the contact with Dennis and me. They got very disappointed with her during my explanation and so did I, but I can’t do anything since what she did was a favor and just that. This is one of the reasons that make me a little cold about responsibility. It was a very serious agreement and I preferred to pay and keep the friendship besides since I expected the deal respected until the very end. Kim ran away from us, skipping meetings and blocking me from Facebook. And I don’t really care about it because after she gone Dennis and I feel much more relieved. She has problems about relationship and depression, and I don’t really want to be part of all these. I definitely have to thanks her after all even this situation didn’t finished so well. But she doesn’t want to meet and I have to respect that. I just hope he gets better and move on in her life. But I don’t think we will be friend at all anymore. I feel that things are working out better; even the situation is still very delicate and I’m almost an illegal person in this country.

That’s when Kristian said, “and if I married you?” and for one second everything that happened with me come trough my mind: The first time I met Kim in Rio, the fake marriage in Brazil, the three of us going to the honeymoon, the day she came get me at SFO Airport, the problems we had when she moved in, pills, depression, etc… And I didn’t answer that. Dennis start to explain why the things didn’t work, but I think even for a strong woman like Kristian it would be too difficult. Moreover, I don’t want keep lying about it. I am so happy and in peace beside the guy that I love. I decide to be honest time with this powerful country to see what happens. The USA Immigration Office does a very good job making these fakes marriage a “hell in life” and even if I didn’t regretted the marriage, I would never turn Kristian’s life into that.

I really hope the immigration understands that. Dennis and I just can’t live apart anymore. Dennis is really nervous about all that. He plans to run away with me, to move to Canada and transfer all the Athletic Model Guild’s archive to there. I’m working hard to do not let this gets into my mind as an option. I think I would never have balls to treat Dennis’s life like that. Anyway, I decide stop thinking about all this and focus in de gorgeous chicken I was eating and the delicious wife in my glass. But they kept going back in this subject and I started being a little uncomfortable and a little nervous. I started sweating. Now, I’m trying the asylum, because it’s the truest way I could find to fight for my future. We hired the same office we worked with before, in my marriage. And I feel very positive about them. Monica Miklas is doing a great work with Sarah Castello, the lawyer. I can’t wait for the day I can go there with flowers and say thank you for everything. I’m going to the office in San Francisco next Tuesday to give some more documents and talk a little about my possibilities. I kind of don’t feel that we’ll win this case in first place. But I think we’ll win this fight in the end. There is no most beautiful reason for it in this country.