Porn Love - Working All Day - Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Raining day! We aren’t waiting for all this water coming from the sky. Dennis and I forgot the sofa that we have on the deck uncovered during all night on the rain. And I realized today that I never bought an umbrella here. With this rain, nothing better than be inside working all day… what a hell am I saying? I spend all day desiring go to the bed and eat everything I can while watching South Park on TV. I worked all day, but first I went to the gym. Going to the gym is making me feel better since sometimes I get tired too early and also makes me feel more attractive. Am I with a nice body? Not anymore since I just ate a full package of cookies after work before I start writing this. I sit down here in the office organizing my things for tomorrow. Backpack ready and felling myself terrible after that package of cookies. I can’t believe I did it after lost 3 pounds at the gym last week. I need to stop thinking that after a good work out day I deserve crap food like Jack In The Box or chocolate. The problem is that in this country the fast food is just delicious! Sometimes I can’t resist that.

Today I finally could reconcile two bank accounts of the company. I work for Dennis’s company called Athletic Model Guild; The Athletic Model Guild, or AMG, was founded by gay pornographer pioneer Bob Mizer in December 1945 her in this country. Mizer began his business by taking pictures of men that he knew, both gay and straight. His subjects would often pose for pictures, which, while ostensibly meant to illustrate fitness tips and the like, were clearly produced and published as homoerotic material. He died in the 90s and Dennis bought the company with the statement in 1994 and start make money copies of those old vintage films in DVD and also publishing Bob Mizer’s photos and history. The Athletic Model Guild also makes gay movies made in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. I not a porn star but just somebody who takes care of financial stuff and eBay selling’s. I reconcile accounts, add numbers on the system, take care of some invoices and payments, and also sell old nude photographs on Ebay. I don’t make much money because it’s a very small company and Dennis can’t afford so much. I’m considering myself as a office manager and accounting assistant. The company is in our basement and we work all day at home. It’s nice to work at home sometimes, but there are some days that I start freaking out and feel like I’ll leave the house screaming on the street.

This company is responsible for my relationship with Dennis did work last years. When Dennis and I felt in love in that Saturday, February 25, 2006, I knew it would be just one more broken heart. He living in the U.S going to Brazil two times a year and me a simple young Brazilian living in Rio de Janeiro waiting for him… it would never work. I just ignore my feeling for while even knowing that Dennis felt the same for me. After that first day we talked on the phone every single night until I finally move here one year ago in 2008. He went back to Brazil four months later and there I was waiting for him. I couldn’t believe myself doing such a thing. I found out about the company later, and also the fact that Dennis always dreamed making adult movies there in Brazil. I start suddenly having a great idea to keep us together.

So, when I knew what he did like to make movies in Brazil, I decided to make it happens. I knew some body that worked in straight adult movies and had him to meet Dennis one day. They talked and decided to make those movies Dennis wanted together. That was great. But a little less than one year later this whole idea went out of control, the productions wasn’t that good and this guy that I found was overcharging us. Dennis knew that if he had to pay all that money for production, he couldn’t be able to do more than two movies a year in Brazil. My goal was in risk. Dennis decided laid off the guy and I had no other choice then study hard this area, find locations, models, going though some negotiations, finding equipments, and also did payments, work sheets and everything I could do for him to spend more time there. As I didn’t charge more that I need, Dennis saved so much money that he start to fly back to Brazil every two months. And that’s how we kept our love

During those three years trying to get a Visa to come to the U.S, our relationship was surviving by porn movies productions. Funny? Hot? No!!! I couldn’t stand anymore. I never really liked to do this work since was difficult and sometimes dangerous. To work with those kind of people request a lot of patience and there are many guys trying to get a vantage on the “rich American”. I felt so disturbed sometimes that, last production, I said to Dennis that I want to quit. I could see in his eyes how sad he turned, but I did all that only because of the fact that I want to be with him. And now I’m here, in America, living every single minute with him. I don’t need to hurt myself doing something that I really don’t feel comfortable doing. I told him that I’ll still be there for him and for everything he needs, and also I’ll try to find somebody to replace me. He know that nobody will do this work with the same responsibility I did because it was my way to be able to love him. Anyway, I ended this conversation and we never talked about that anymore. Let’s see later how it is going to be. Dennis and I had some very hard times doing that. But I never regretted. I did it for him, for us. Here we are again together, in love, and happy.